Suspira

If there is anything worse than a situation that you always thought was completely fine, wonderful, happy , and strong even amidst whatever diffuculties may have arisen or emerged from it in the past, coming to an end , then it would surely and without doubt have to be when that particular situation that seemed to be fine ...comes to a sudden and abrupt end with the absence of much reason for it ending ...

One thing is certain though, nothing is the same without that situation , and nothing in existence can ease nor dull the pain that has ensued over such an end . When such a connection that always seemed so strong and unbreakable , is broken.. seemingly shattered almost out of nowhere, the pain and that which is even deeper than pain itself, is undescribable and everpresent..and though it is described in such vaguary , the one who matters most in regards to it all, will hopefully know the truest meaning of such words in which it lies ...

Emotions, feelings ...all things of that sort , they cannot be erased or simply 'turned off' ...though, if they had such a capability to be as such , it would at least take the pain away..or better yet, cause no pain to begin with..but that is just not how it works ...

What can one do , when that which they once had in their lives is no longer there ? Or when that something, someone, etc...simply does not feel the same as they once did or is not as it once was ...someone that you easily still care for just as much as you always did, someone who just meant that much Without question..it easily goes without saying, that it pales in comparison to much ...it always did...but what does one do when the one thing they want the most, is now in a sense, ripped from them and is that far out of their reach... is simply not as it once was...?

Again, vaguary ...but with reason ...

Farewell ...

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.


1. I feel like utter shit and feel completely alone ...

2. I love musick , after all ..musick can never be taken away from me...lalala ...

3. I worry over things that I probably shouldn't ..but that doesn't mean that I enjoy it..in fact, I abhore it altogether ..


4 I don't see the point of this, but I am just that bored..

5. I hate thinking ..

6. I smoke too much, feel too much , think too much, and probably love too much ......next..?



being tagged:

*Shrug* Whoever is as bored as I am ...

Farewell ...

...................

I'm So fucking tired of feeling this way , someone please just shoot me and get it over with ?

Wow ..mixed feelings...feeling a bit sickish, worried about someone ...happy about new job (It seems like it will be sooooooooo much better there :) and kind of buzzingly numb from Nyquil ...wow . Broke until payday which is in ...not sure how long , sucks ..but so damned happy about new job and doing so well on the first night ...no 'set' schedule..more free time..Missing people ...argh ..heh .

Nothing worth a damn going on today I guess..just randomly updating so that people know I am still alive over here. So....BOO!!! *Breaking the silence, weeee*

I truly have nothing better to do with my time at this moment..lol.

Here, take a gander at this.. http://www.myspace.com/unrealdrumsse

Wrestle mechlomania, earth ass....

Take the quiz: "What Kind Of Weapon Are you?"

Screwdriver


You're the Screwdriver. This says a few things about you... First off... You're psychotic. Yes, you're insane. COME ON, who uses a SCREWDRIVER to KILL someone? That's pretty screwed up, if you catch my drift. Out of all the weapons you might not be the most destructive or effective but you're definitely the most unorthodox and well... Deranged. Somebody has to have something seriously wrong in their head to even consider using you. Oh well, at least people don't expect you. You hit them when they're not ready and that makes for a quick kill, if you can strike in the right place. Basically... You've got a screw loose.

Sleeping sounds wonderful about now...why is it that when you can't go to sleep (due to having to be awake for some everchanging reason) that it is the time you want to go to sleep the Most ??

I think of all the times I have just wanted to curl up and die for a while, more than anything, are Also the times where I cannot go to sleep for whatever reasons may Be. (Work,having to do something,driving) You know ...?

By the way ...I was only half serious about the 'driving' part ;)

Here you will find some of my new instrumental compositions from my other solo project..Enjoy.

http://www.soundclick.com/mirroroffrozenshadows

All Hail the Almighty KORG!!!! \m/

 

 

And, Here we have a Very rare photo of Lord Verdilak of Gravestorm !!! \m/

 

I really like these new colours, so much better than the previous layout I was using...mmm..want to paint the walls of my room in these colours...Damn, I miss my red and black room ;) Too bad that the house that it was in was Horrid..very happy to be out of that place for over a year now though..the only cool thing about it was the band room and my red and black bedroom...Hrmm..Ah well ;)

I am in a much better (And more comfortable!) place now..why do I sound like I am describing my own death there ...?

be sorted @ nimbo.net

..Heh!!

So yeah,I'm getting into the whole 'lets post random bullshit and see if anyone really even gives a shit' thing again ..don't ask me why..boredom I guess.

I'm still not really one for saying much that is too close or personal to me on a forum such as this one ..Most of the time I don't even disclose things to those who are even the closest to me..that is just my nature, but one thing is for sure, if I tell someone something that is significantly deep regarding myself or something that I am thinking of, then they shall know that they have not only my utmost respect,but also my trust which I have placed within them.

There are very few whom I feel such a sentiment for, and I don't know if I will ever find the words within myself to tell them how much trust within them I really hold..and how much I appreciate them simply being someone who has not wronged me ..someone whom I appreciate having the honour to know..how much the same is extended to them in return if they so wish..etc..(Granted though, this has brought me more pain than pleasure..seeing as many whom I once thought were 'trustworthy' then decided to show me in their own little way how stupid it was of me to hold them in such regard.) Ah,but such is life, yes ?

Well,I kind of forgot I had this thing...but I am updating it because Joseph -l- said to...so here you go,Im doing it so shush!! ;) ....ahahaha...

Nothing really to speak of,I still hate the world around me,mostly because it is over run by utter morons...which I find to be very life-draining...

I dont write in these things often because I am sure most people would rather rip their own heart out of their chest than read my bullshit...but if that were to truly be the outcome,Id be writing in this fucker infinitely...!!!! Hmm,I always wondered what the point of these things is...these 'online journals' ..I mean,if I am going to write down shit that to me,is something I don't want anyone else to know of,or the like,why would I post it on a website where random people can read it...?

Well,for all of you who Do give a fuck...nothing is going on,nothing has changed...same shit,different eve....

I dont *really* hate everyone...just 99.9999999 and 8/9's of everyone...there are a few people who are very cool...and for whom I would give my life for...but the rest,can fuck off and die...

Out of the entire world though,99.9999999 and 8/9's is probably still a shitload,but when you think about it,maybe not really...fuckit.And there are probably many cool people whom I have yet to meet,hell,you,reading this crap right now,could be one of them...Only time shall tell though...

Well,enough ranting...farewell.


Ave

my heart bleeds deep for you
crimson tears of misanthropy for your absence
and memories held dear in thy heart
my soul cries in my dreams,without you

lost without your embrace...the darkness is thy only comfort...
and yet it is so lonely without you...

i feel empty...without your words...
the words that once made me whole...
but now the words that make me cry...

yet i wish not,to let go of them....


v.m.
7-5-01'...

well...I am just sitting here at my computer,with not too much to do ...so in turn,I dont really have much of anything to say ...
I guess I could just start spouting off with random bullshit..but I can't think of any! =P
well shit....I guess I will just have to try this shit later...Hails!

Well,there isn't jack shit going on right now...I figured I would post something anyway....Wow,a web site where I can sit here and type to myself...and just when I though,there was nothing more,in life,to be amazed at!! Ha....well,farewell for now,to whoever reads this,I am feeling rather pissy right now,so if I keep typing then I shall end up going into a full fledged rant fest...and NO ONE needs that!!!! =)